Thursday thoughts #9: on flexibility
I’ve missed a couple posts due to life, lifing. Or more specifically, being hit with a case of COVID that just wouldn’t quit. Whenever I get really sick, I always a). want to eat copious amounts of Cinnamon Life cereal, b). think I’m never going to get better, and c). have some sort of revelation from being forced to slow down and do absolutely nothing. I still remember a bad case of the flu I had in 2013 or 2014 that finally helped me understand the concept of intuitive eating (my body still gets hungry when I’m just sitting here? And that means I need to feed it? It’s that simple? yes yes yes).
This time, the lesson has been more around flexibility. My affinity for rigidity and routine are something I talk a lot about in therapy. They are great coping and protective mechanisms, but also not as beneficial for fully enjoying life or occasional spontaneous fun. Historically, I love a plan. I love to know what’s happening, all of the time, and to plan for future happenings in precise exactness. I do not like when the plan is deviated in any way. This can probably be translated to: I am a control freak. Anyways, there has been a very specific plan around caring for my dad, who just had open heart surgery and does not live near myself nor my sister, over the last two weeks. With my getting sick, the plan has been blown to smithereens. I haven’t been able to go to work, or fly out to help my dad, or really do much of anything. A lot of my bigger fears over the last few years have been realized - basically, getting sick and not being able to be around or take care of him. But you know what happened? We adjusted and adapted. My sister stayed with my dad (another lesson in flexibility, bless her), I updated my travel plans, my co-workers saw my patients and I changed my PTO days.
Adjust and adapt
I heard a psychologist talk about “adjusting and adapting” on a podcast during the beginning of the pandemic, and I still think about it. Life is a constant dance of adjusting and adapting, mostly due to circumstances beyond our control. It’s easy to forget that when you’re so invested, and reliant, on a routine to feel good, or help you feel in control during an insane time in the world or your own life. Earlier this week, changing all of these carefully laid plans made my brain want to explode a little bit. It still does, if we’re being honest. But it also sort proved a point: the future can never be fully planned for, and no matter what happens, you will be able to handle it. I always think about how good most dogs are at adapting, even though they prefer routine, mostly because they don’t have a choice. I think myself, and most humans, are similar in that when an unanticipated situation occurs, we adapt because we have to.
I also think part of being so rigid and plan-specific has to do with fear of the unknown. Or even a lack of trust in oneself that you can handle any kind of curveball or wild pitch that comes your way. But you can. I can. Most of the time, doing the best you can is the best thing you can do. So with that, I hope to do the best I can with newsletter regularity over the next couple of weeks.
Take good care,
Kelly